Wanderlust

When I decided to convert at 16, I knew right off the bat that the Reform movement fit me best. I would probably do just as well in a conservative synagogue now, and I’m going to experiment with it, but the overall liberal accepting nature appealed to me. Yes it’s true that many Reform Jews don’t keep kosher, pray 3 times a day, etc., but that is what is so great about the Reform movement, everyone has such a range of backgrounds, and yet we are all one. Someone in the synagogue may be atheist where as I am not, but we are still Jews, and he/she isn’t shunned for believing what they believe. Something about that really resonated with me. But for others, that might freak them out.

I converted the “Orthodox” way,a  year of study (actually more than a year), mikvah, beit din, the lot, but I still converted with Reform rabbis. Am I accepted in Israel as a Jew? Depends on who you ask. The Conservative and Reform movements in Israel are growing, I’m in contact with three rabbis there, things are changing, and someday the old male rabbis are going to have to step down and learn that you can’t tell someone what their religion is. My absolute biggest pet peeve in Judaism is the whole “who is a Jew” question. Do not ever let someone tell you what your religion is. No one defines your relationship with God or to the universe or whatever you believe. You do, no one else. Period.

I’ve said here before that my family has always been and will always be supportive of my conversion, but not everyone in my family was. 

Some in my extended family weren’t supportive, they didn’t threaten to not speak to me, but they were shocked, even offended (not that it has ANYTHING to do with them..) but my relationships with some of my family members have changed, and they will never go back to what they were, and that of course, hurts. I basically had a second mother in one of my aunts, her husband/my uncle was lost to cancer, but we have still remained close, up until she found out I converted. She is Baptist, and very religious and she isn’t very open, and when I converted she became colder. It’s ridiculous really, but it still bothers me. She basically raised me alongside my mom and she’s changed over a decision I made in my own life that has brought me peace. It still hurts that she changed so much over the decision, and there really isn’t a way to mend the relationship.

For my new followers (and old followers), read at will since it’s so long. 

I always claim to be moderate, however, I don’t claim to be ideologically moderate, I claim moderation in terms of certain issues (such as Israeli Palestinian conflict). There really isn’t a true political definition of moderation because moderates generally secretly advocate a certain political/religious/etc. ideology, even if they don’t know it. However, I think being moderate is also essential for the international stage, and by moderate I guess I mean open, accepting, will to learn, it can be a bad thing to be so extreme. I’m not politically moderate in American politics, however, I am politically liberal. 

I am extremely socially liberal, I stand firm in those beliefs, however, I tend to hate most Democratic figures simply because they are politicians and generally care more about power than change (Mr. Smith Goes to Washington). I am pro choice, pro government healthcare in competition with private (would actually save the government money), supportive of the LGBT community (I don’t get how you can’t be), I support government regulation of the economy (to a degree—that’s important). In that sense I become pragmatic, or as I like to say, moderate. It’s bad to be extreme on issues at times, and though I prefer certain economic choices over others, if less government regulation of the economy is best for the economy at a certain point in time, I’m not going to protest. That is how I am moderate, I am pragmatic, I stand up for the center, for the best choice given the circumstances. I am pro gun control, however I understand that it is literally impossible to get all arms from the “bad guys,” and so I believe that people do have the right to defend themselves, with stricter regulation to attempt to prevent weapons from falling into the hands of the wrong people. I do not believe the Second Amendment is interpreted correctly in today’s world. I am completely against the death penalty, I do not justify the crimes committed by those on death row, however there have been mistakes made about criminals in the past, and I believe that greater justice is served by being sentenced to jail for life rather than getting the easy (and yes, inhumane) way out in death. Plus it is cheaper. 

I am supportive of cutting the military, however, I am again pragmatic in the fact that the United States will never get rid of its military, so that’s just not an option for me to believe in. We could have less people in the military, cut some of the unnecessary programs etc. I am against the Iraq War, my dad served a total of a year and a half in Iraq, I understand it’s effects.  I do not support the Afghanistan War, however, after September 11th I was supportive of going after Al Qaeda in the new “War on Terror.” September 11th was an act of war, a new kind of war, but war none the less.

I believe I am moderate not because I don’t have my beliefs, because I do, I do indeed stand up for my beliefs, I am Irish, passion and fighting are in my blood, but I guess my definition of moderate has become about pragmatism and acceptance of others and understanding other beliefs. I would say this accepting nature of mine stems from having to move all over the place for my whole life, it was either accept, or don’t survive and be miserable.

I am against cuts to education in the United States, 150%. If we do not educate the younger generations of today properly (especially in history, grammar/English, geography—since these are the subjects we tend to forget about), we ruin our future. The U.S. also tends to cut programs in the sciences and the arts, along with the Special Ed departments, and I am of course against that as well.  

I am not anti American, I criticize my government at times (not so much on tumblr atm) because I want it to improve, I am horrified by it a lot of the time, but I am secretly an optimist, and I haven’t lost faith yet. This applies to other countries as well, including Israel and Palestine. 

I am Jewish, I am a Jewish convert, I take this very seriously despite what you may judge me to be because of my blog. Judaism is my “fire in the heart,” which is the name of my blog. There is no other explanation needed. You probably would never understand anyway. I am liberal, and therefore I fit in the Reform Jewish community very nicely (like a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle) in terms of beliefs. I do tend to be more conservative than them at times (shocking, I know), but I attribute this to the fact that I converted and feel the need to do everything correctly most of the time and follow more mitzvot. I am very passionate about defending the Reform Jewish community, especially concerning women (and women rabbis) in Judaism.

That being said, I am pro Israel and pro Palestine, pro two state solution. In the paraphrased words of a brilliant Palestinian: ”There is this tiny little piece of land, cute little land, and there are two peoples there fighting fighting fighting over who is the victim or the first second third last forever victim, the only option is to give them two states, this will prevent them from having a legitimate reason to kill each other, for both are suffering, and both are at fault.” I am pro Palestine and pro Israel, I criticize both, I support both.

I am extremely supportive of religious tolerance and coexistence, I live with a Muslim, who is one of my best friends, and I have about a dozen very close Muslim friends (truly more than Jewish ones), quite a few Christian, Buddhist, and Atheist friends (and then of course Jewish). I enjoy learning about other religions and working with people to build bridges and connections. I try to be as accepting as possible. If someone has found a path to the universe/God/what have you that brings them as much happiness and peace as Judaism brings to me, good on you, keep on going.

I am pro science, which is kind of a stupid thing to say, but I always get asked this in real life, if because I converted to Judaism that somehow makes me against science and evolution, it does not.

I think texting/talking on the phone while driving should be illegal (and strictly enforced) in every state.

I guess that’s it.

If you want to criticize it, ask me things about any subjects I am missing here, feel free to ask. 

I went to my first Rosh Hashanah dinner tonight. Ever. It’s nice just being a part of a family and being with their friends instead of always having to figure everything out on my own. Its sometimes a bit frustrating being around something I’ve always wanted and yet still being somewhat separate because I’m doing it all alone.

Converting to another religion is no one else’s business, it’s your own. It’s your journey, your life. I know of a couple people who converted to Judaism and who’s parents now don’t speak to them because of it. Unfortunately there are so many people out there who have similar situations, in any religious conversion or any decision to leave their religion. It’s your life, however, always remember that, and if something makes you happy, if something completes you, go for it. Life is short as it is and life is hard, we need all the happiness we can get.

*****this is an old post I just want to tag it under conversion since I don’t want to go back and find it.

Okay so this shouldn’t be complicated. If you practice Judaism, and believe the basic beliefs of Judaism, and you’ve worked hard to convert or are born into it etc. you are Jewish.

It doesn’t matter if you’re half, whole, full, pink, black, yellow, green, whatever.

You’re Jewish.

I hate that the Israeli government discriminates against the Reform and even Conservative Movements. I hate all the bullshit that people in the Jewish community say to each other. For the most part its not a problem, but I’ve seen situations where people have told people that have Jewish fathers that they’re not actually Jewish. No, actually they are part of the Reform movement which recognizes you if you have a Jewish father but not mother, and you have no right to tell someone what their religion is or is not.

We should be united, not bickering over this nonsense.

My Hebrew name is Ayla, which means oak tree and it comes from a poem I read a couple years ago about staying strong etc.

So once I decided I was going to convert I contacted a few rabbis and then set up an appointment on like a Monday morning to meet with one. So I arrive at the temple, and I’m shaking and super excited because its literally the first time I’d ever seen a synagogue, and the first time I’d really met anybody Jewish (its sad, I know). It was November, and there was some snow on the ground, it was a gorgeous day too, I was a senior in high school.

So my mom and I go up to the temple and literally just walk in the front door and this woman comes running around the corner freaking out because we were supposed to have rang the little ringer thing to she could have unlocked the door and let us in. Looking back on it now, I cringe, because most synagogues are locked and you have to be rung in, but of course neither my mom or I knew this is or ever thought that synagogues would have to be locked, and we just walked right in the front door. And to our defense the front doors weren’t even locked. Once I walked in I felt like I had walked into my house after being gone for 10 years. I felt like I was home, I was so overcome with emotion I still can’t even explain it.

I met with the rabbi and the conversation went okay, I didn’t end up studying with her because she wasn’t the most supportive, but I could not wrap my mind around the fact that everyone in the synagogue was Jewish. I was surrounded by Jews. And I know that must sound weird to you all, but I hadn’t been around Jewish people ever, I had longed to be Jewish my whole life, and here I was in a synagogue with Jews. There were no Jews in Japan, none when I lived in Rhode Island and California, none in Nevada or Virginia either, and it was amazing.

But yeah that’s it, I just thought I’d share it since its actually really funny looking back on it now, how naive I was and how I literally didn’t know anything. 

Wait

Jewish convert followers

did you know that over 10,000 people convert to Judaism each year?

I did not know that.

Considering that Judaism is a small religion to begin with, that’s a lot of people converting.

Judaism teaches to focus on the present, not what’s going to happen when you die, not what’s going to happen to you maybe 10 years from now, but the here and now. It teaches that life is short and as such we must make the very best out of the life we’ve got.

I need to learn this lesson. I’m always, always focused on all the things going on in the future and always anxious about everything.

When I first decided to convert my parents’ and sisters’ reactions were supportive, they all knew that I was going to convert at some point, I’d always wanted to be Jewish and it spoke to me so it was kind of already known and a give-in.

However, my paternal grandmother is anti-Semitic, mostly because of the actions of Israel, and so she wasn’t too happy, which is interesting because she’s a peace loving Quaker. Oh well. What’s even weirder was the reaction of my maternal grandparents because they’re devout Catholics, both were supportive and fascinated by it. Everytime my grandmother on my mom’s side sees anything Jewishly related she tells me about it or sends it to me and has even come to temple with me on Shabbat and loved it. However strong her beliefs, she’s also very liberal and understands people have different beliefs and instead of being ignorant to them and being bitter, she genuinely loves to learn.

The rest of my family was supportive, even my really Catholic aunts and uncles (though they now berade me with the very technical differences between Christianity and Judaism and secretly hope I’ll become Christian). It was the most awkward with an aunt of mine whom I’m really close to, but is a radical Baptist. She was pretty shocked, or more horrified actually, and it makes it a bit awkward with her now.

Converting to another religion is no one else’s business, its your own. It’s your journey, your life. I know of a couple people who converted to Judaism and who’s parents now don’t speak to them because of it. Unfortunately there are so many people out there who have similar situations, in any religious conversion or any decision to leave their religion. It’s your life, however, always remember that, and if something makes you happy, if something completes you, go for it. Life is short as it is and life is hard, we need all the happiness we can get.

I was often asked during my conversion process, mostly by my rabbi, what I thought the hardest thing to give up would be once I had converted. Christmas? I said no since I never celebrated it religiously. An old mentality? No.

I do, however, think the hardest thing for me to let go of from my “old” life was the notion that I am the only Jew in my family, that I was truly alone. It’s a scary and thrilling feeling at the same time. I have more support from my family than I ever could have imagined, but it’s strange to embark officially on my own path so to speak. Everything I’ve done has mostly been with my family, all of our moves, all the places we’ve traveled, but this was different. It’s odd being that separate from my family, though they celebrate holidays with me when I’m not at university. It’s an amazing feeling though, just knowing you found a piece of yourself you didn’t know was there.

I received 2 anon messages about converting to Judaism, so I thought I would address it because I’ve never really talked about it. This is going to be LONG, so I apologize in advance.

Okay so I am (if you don’t already know), Jewish. But, what I haven’t really talked about is the fact that I was not born Jewish. I have some Jewish blood in my background, but I was raised non-religiously, in an open and accepting household. I was always encouraged to explore other religions, and I never really did. My family is the oddball group amongst my extended family because everyone else is pretty religious. 

My entire life since before I can remember I wanted to be Jewish. It was not a religious draw, I wasn’t even around any Jews as I was growing up. I just had this deep gut feeling that I wanted to be Jewish. Today, looking back, I realize that I was always Jewish, it just took me 18 years to realize it. I told kids at school (starting from what I can remember in 2nd grade) that I was Jewish. I eventually stopped telling people in 6th grade when I moved to Japan because I lived on a small base and people were bound to figure out that I was not actually Jewish. I had always been drawn to Jewish history, and I began reading books about it in about 7th grade until late high school. There was an unknown draw to it that I still cannot explain today. I felt it the first time I walked into a synagogue, at my first seder and Shabbat, and in the old synagogues of Krakow. My parents use to joke that I was a Jew in a past life, a misplaced Jewish soul. 

Up till high school I knew very little about Judaism in the religious aspect, I knew almost all of the history, but almost nothing on the foundations of the religion. It wasn’t until I was 16 when I was sitting in my Spanish class in 11th grade that I decided and realized that I could convert to Judaism. I had no idea it was even a possibility to convert, and my Spanish teacher was talking about Catholicism and Spain and I remembered that a history teacher of mine had converted to Catholicism and the idea stuck. I went home and researched converting, I bought a couple books and began reading over the summer and in the fall of my senior year, I found a synagogue somewhat near my house and went to meet with the rabbi.

I knew so little about the customs of the synagogue that I literally walked right into the synagogue on a Monday morning to the front office to make an appointment with the rabbi. I nearly gave the woman working at security a heart attack because the doors are supposed to be locked for security reasons and they of course, were not locked. I met with the rabbi, a woman, who was nice, but a bit prickly because my story made zero sense to her. I was not a former Christian drawn to Judaism, I was not really religious at all in fact. I believed in God, but I had no formal religious upbringing. I had never been to synagogue because I didn’t know I could (anyone can go to Shabbat services). She told me that it would be best to convert after college in 4 years so I could “think” about my decision. Understandably she didn’t think I was serious, but I’m an intense OCD person and once I decide to do something, there is no turning back, especially not with something as important as converting. I knew I wanted to be Jewish and I was determined to become Jewish and so I took her other advice, which was to start attending synagogue and to sign up for the Intro to Judaism course that the Union for Reform Judaism teaches. I went to synagogue almost every Friday night until I went to college 9 months later. I took the class, which met once a week for 6 months, and at the same time I began studying with a rabbi (well two rabbis). The rabbi who taught my class knew of two different rabbis that she thought I would work well with, and so I went to meet with them and began my studying. I met with a male and female rabbi, both young and brilliant, and I chose what I wanted to learn more about: history, holidays, prayer, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, Jewish views of God, Torah, etc. etc. and I would meet with one of them twice a month.

I studied all throughout the summer before college and into this past school year (my freshman year of college) and in December of 2010, I officially converted. The ceremony traditionally has a beit din, which is a council of 3 rabbis that ask the convertee (?) questions. I was super nervous, but once the beit din started it was easy and was just like normal conversation. The rabbis wanted to hear my story and learn about how I was celebrating the holidays, my thoughts on marrying a Jew, etc. etc. Then there is the mikvah, which is a ritual bath where you go into the mikvah and recite three prayers in Hebrew. Symbolically it represents being reborn as a Jew and breathing new fresh air as a Jew. After the mikvah I held the Torah and the arch was opened and I was given my Hebrew name (which you choose) and blessed and handed my certificates. Then just like that, you’re a Jew!

So that’s my conversion story. This December will be the one year anniversary of me being a Jew. I converted at the beginning of December, and at the end of December I went with my Hillel on birthright which changed my life permanently and for the better. 

So that’s it. I am sorry this is sappy and long but I never talk about it so here it is! My biggest problem is that I never usually tell people I convert for fear of their reactions. I’ve never gotten a negative reaction, but I don’t want people in temple or in Hillel to think differently of me so I never usually talk about it. It’s only recently that I’ve come to realize that I shouldn’t be ashamed of converting, but proud. I found a little missing piece of me and I’m happy, I shouldn’t be hiding it. 

How you convert into:

Christianity: accept Jesus Christ as the son of God and as your savior, must believe in uno God, repentance of sin, salvation, etc. Many people are also baptized when they convert.

Islam: Believe in uno God, pronounce the Shahada (testimony of faith) and accept that Muhammed is a Prophet of God. You can convert alone or in front of others.

*Obvs you should study both religions so you know how they work/what they believe before you convert.

Judaism: The most complex, painful, and long of all the conversion processes. You need to either take a class for 6 months and then study with a rabbi for at least another 6 months, or study with a rabbi for a full year at least, and thennn when you are ready you go in front of a council of 3 rabbis (beit din) and answer questions, then you go into the mikvah (ritual bath) and go under the water 2 or 3 times. You need to pick a Hebrew name as well. You also must believe in uno God and and zatsit.

Just a random post because of my interest in religion. Hopefully you learned something new!